Monday, October 16, 2017

Letter from Anne to the Heavenly Father.

Today, on October 16, 2017, I would like to write you, dear Heavenly Father, a letter, because I feel the need to write everything from the liver.

I hope I find the beginning, because I want to pour out my heart to you. Everything that depresses me, I want to tell you. I also know that you are a good listener. My heart is so heavy and I don't know who else I could tell everything to that could listen for so long.

You are the most patient, loving and tender father that only a human being could ever wish for. I love you, and can't even tell you how unspeakably I love you. You always had an ear for me and never stopped loving me, even when I didn't know what to do.

You know that I have been suffering from anxiety and panic attacks for so many long years and don't know how to help myself. I also do not want to burden others with it and finish them off. You know all I ever wanted to do was help.

These messages that I had helped me to spread to others not only the truth, Your truths, but also to accompany them on their sometimes so difficult path of life. I have heard words that came from you, not from me, I know that. I am not at all able to formulate such words and put them down on paper. Now it has been more than 5 weeks since I have not received any messages after the holy sacrificial masses.

The Holy Mass of Sacrifice has always been so precious to me, it has become my elixir of life. I fed on it. You also know that I could pray many rosaries in a row. They helped me, because I was there with my senses. I miss that today. The Blessed Mother cries for me? Is this true? I do not want to woe her, but take the world mission seriously. It is so important for all of us.

What is in people today if they do not find You, dearest Heavenly Father? They are looking for you and want to expect help from the priests. Unfortunately, the priests are no longer in the truth today. The Holy Mass of Sacrifice, not the meal fellowship that they practice, takes away their strength. They want to change and don't know what the reason is that they cannot make it. It is a long and long way often until one has turned to the Triune God, who alone can help. It is often not easy to find the right destination. The way is often long and stony. There are many people and also priests, who go a wrong and confusing way and do not know what to do.

Should I start from myself, maybe how it could have started? Unfortunately I do not know about my inner life. Then I could probably help myself better. I have such a great desire for security. In you is the security I should find. You are present everywhere, only I do not see you. But I know that you never leave anyone alone who calls you in need. I am in need, dearest and tenderest father, and wish for nothing more than to feel your closeness. Where can you be found? You tell me. I am waiting for your answer.

Once, in my great distress, I saw you in the sky and that was something wonderful that I still cannot believe today. It helped me and I was no longer alone. But today I do not find the thread to you? Where are you, my love, my darling? No one can surpass you in love, because no one has such an incredible love to give away. Just give me a little bit of the love I don't feel. But in my heart I know that everything comes from you. Nothing is by chance, everything comes from you, everything, only the good. I will love you, My strength. Only when I am strong can it come only from you.

I am a weak and sinful creature But you know that I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to hurt Pastor Lodzig either, who makes so much trouble for me. He always wants to be there and yet he is now so helpless. That hurts me. You also put a Monika by my side and she is there. She does every job, no matter how difficult it is for her, and yet she has pain and problems herself. I don't want to burden anybody and yet I do. I always have to tell about my panic attacks how bad it is because I can't cope with them. I would like it so much. The fear comes from within and I don't know how to deal with it. I cannot be alone. I find this stressful for me and also for the others. You're trying so hard with me. This cannot all be for nothing.

Should I confess? I feel as if I only have sins, and yet I cannot change if I do not know what I can bring joy with and cannot bring joy to myself. I look outside and everything is so sad and gloomy, despite the fact that autumn has so many beautiful sides, just the beautifully colored foliage and now the post-summer days full of sunshine. Do I not see all this that you, dearest father, are preparing for me? Have I become blind for your beauties? That can't be. - I have always been able to enjoy it.

Dear Katharina, if you knew what a longing I have for you, because after all we have been together for 30 years and have shared joy and sorrow. That was a long time. Is all that now cut off? Should all this be no more? I just don't know what to do with it? I would so much like to know the cause to be able to help me. We could always exchange everything with each other. It was a wonderful time. We also had to experience a lot of difficult things with each other and managed to do it with united strength. Somehow we have become clear again.

Now I look at our dear priest Lodzig. How I like him. I do not want to hurt him and yet I was often impatient with him. I'm sorry about that. Please, forgive me and my impatience. Also I always wanted to be at your side and help you. This is really my wish for you. Do you know that I like and miss you when you are not there? They are the finger pointing to heaven, that is, a man of God who is closely connected with heaven and especially with the Heavenly Father through much prayer. I would like to continue to tell you everything and you would be very happy about progress if there were a joy that remains. I can imagine your joy, I have already experienced it. In the 13 years of living together in faith we have shared much with each other. We have now forgotten all about that. It can't be over after all.

I mean to make the greatest effort and help. It always causes me new problems. I do not know where they come from. If only I could help myself through faith. I have become so weak and this weakness is killing me.

Only the Heavenly Father alone knows about the plight of the people and can also alleviate it. "I know about the slightest movement in your heart, My child. Come to me, all you who are toilsome and burdened, I will refresh you all.

The need does not diminish, although I take the greatest effort to write everything from the liver.

I have so many dear people around me, who stand by my side. Have I become ungrateful now? I don't want to be, but look back gratefully on the many years. Everything is a gift from heaven. If only I knew where to start? There must be something that confuses me? Where do I make the mistake that I could correct? Where are the uncertainties for me? Are they in the past or in the present? I do not know about myself?

If I continue writing, it may come to my mind. They are also thought-provoking impulses that come from my heart, because Jesus Christ dwells in my heart, whom I receive daily with body and soul and divinity and humanity. Surely this cannot remain outrageous? Where are you, my dearest heart treasure? Nothing can surpass you in my life. My life belongs to you all alone.

Dear Pastor Lodzig, can you now help me to find my way to myself? I'm waiting for an answer, because life must go on, it cannot stand still. I am so restless and nothing can bring me to my usual calm. Who can really help me now.

You know, my dearest Jesus, that I need your help and I certainly do.

As you have heard, Father Lodzig says I should spend half an hour before the tabernacle in the house church. I do not want to be alone. I would like so much to come to rest. This is my biggest wish ever.

Unfortunately these words on paper did not give me the peace I wanted. But I now take the advice of the Reverend Lodzig and hope that it does not fail. Then I am even more desperate. I don't want that, because it is supposed to help me. Nothing can go wrong there, because Jesus is with me in the tabernacle.

Well, my dearest Jesus, I was with you before the tabernacle. This is your home where you wait for us. But I love you too. I cannot imagine that I could live without you.

I gave myself, as always, with my worries. Maybe I am asking too much of myself to let it all go at once. All anxiety should be over at once. But they are not. Do I have to be completely disappointed? Is it only me who cannot find you? But you say, whoever seeks me, he will find me also. I am looking for you and I cannot find you. Where are You, My dearest Jesus? Do you want to come into my heart? I am eagerly waiting for your help? Who can really help me? Only you, My dearest Jesus, are able to stand by me. I want to be yours. No one shall take possession of my heart but you alone. Yours I will be, in life and also in death.

My dearest Jesus, help me out of this depression. I want to find out and be with you. How lovely is your face. How lovely are your features. I imagine it all this way, because I want to be with you and my longing for you grows from day to day.

How I would love to receive your messages again and people are waiting for it. Do you not see, my Savior? And our dearest Heavenly Mother loves her children of Mary and wants to lead them all to You. She brings them before your throne and offers their sorrows. Then you certainly cannot resist? How many worries do people have today and how contemptuous they are looked upon today when they love you and talk about the true Catholic faith. They want to pour out their hearts and nobody listens to them.

No, they are despised and only want all people to find you and live in peace with you. This is the most ardent wish of every human being to live in peace.

How good it is to announce your love to people. They are pleased when there are people who believe and can share their faith with them.

I would like to convey this love to people, because they feel left alone with their worries. To pass on true love is a great good that people are waiting for with longing.

How I would like to help all people in this present confusion. They do not know one yet and search in the other religions. Of course they won't find you there. But they are so frightened that they often do not know who to turn to. Your love is unfortunately not conveyed to them and that would be their real help.

Please, dear Savior, be with the people who seek You. They miss you in every situation. They lack love, which only you, my love, can give them.

I love you, and I don't want to turn away from you, because I know that you have not forgotten me, but your love never ends.

Jesus, when I am with You, everything must be simple. You make everything happen, even if people think they do everything themselves. You cause everything in them. We are not the makers, You are the Lord over life and death.

If only people could experience that true love can only be found with you. Love without end, that is your will.

Everything, the whole universe is yours. Everything was wonderfully ordered and nothing was in disorder. People have abused your wonderful world and brought confusion into it. The nature and also the animals, everything was in wonderful order at your creation.

If only people would listen more to the words of the Bible. Then they could relieve themselves a lot in their lives. For whenever they do not pay attention to these words, they make life difficult for themselves without realizing it. The commandments are a relief for every life. Whenever men transgress the commandments, they sin, more or less.

But unfortunately people believe that life is more bearable and easier if you can enjoy life in the world. The opposite is the case. Whenever you enjoy life to the fullest, it is easier at the moment. Only after that everything becomes more difficult. People do not want to be true.

That is why the Sacrament of Penance is also an important sacrament to return to normality and to undertake not to sin in the future. First of all, there must be the realization.

Our dearest Jesus knew that as weak people we need this sacrament to wash us from guilt. Only in sanctifying grace are we pure and take the resolution to respect the love of Christ in the future and not to offend Him anymore.

But since we are weak people, it will always happen that we need confession. It can also be said that Jesus Christ wants to unite himself anew with the people after each confession. He sees that people are only happy when they make up their minds not to sin. We are unhappy with our sins and often do not realize it. But the love of Christ makes man pure again after confession. He feels newly united with the love of God.